Eye candy

Taboo

Some of the things I sometimes think about blogging about, but then I don't:

• Things I am annoyed with Mr. Cat about
• Various aspects of my personal hygiene
• Crazy or irritating behavior of co-workers or other people in my circle of acquaintance

I think I am right to omit the first two items. On the third one I haven't decided yet (I have written one posting about a colleague that bugs me and then de-posted it, and I temporarily alluded to a potential future posting about my boss in an earlier posting, and then deleted the reference). On the one hand it seems perfectly safe, since how are they ever going to find my blog much less attribute it to me. But I do sometimes post from my work computer. How am I going to explain that one. And anyway maybe it's not nice to post things on the internet about people that you wouldn't say to their face. As I say, I haven't really decided yet.

From the virtual archives

Back in the olden days, before we had blogs and when even using e-mail was quite ground-breaking, I sent the following e-mail* to one of my colleagues. This was back in 1995 or so. It was my first job**.

> Dear Sue,
> I recently bought some new underwear. This underwear
> came in a three-pack. One of the pairs of underwear is
> actually one size larger than the marked size. I am
> wearing this underwear today.

I remember that I was laughing out loud whilst typing this message. I remember also that my colleague thought I was a little crazy when I saw her next.

Disclaimers
(*) An approximation of such. Good night, this is more than 10 years ago we are talking about here.
(**) This was also in the days before people were getting fired for sending naughty*** e-mails to their colleagues
(***) Not that this is really naughty, but I might be more careful, nowadays.

Training

Yesterday, today and tomorrow I am attending a training. It is related to my work. It is called Acquisition Finance. It is taught by an American Finance Professor who has been teaching a lot of very elementary and very theoretical principles of Finance, and by an American Debt Financing Practitioner who has been teaching a lot of very detailed and jargony practical applications of providing Debt Financing to companies.

I can't quite judge how this will sound to the average reader, but after feeling a bit like I was wasting my time much of the first day I have come to find it actually quite interesting. What with my experience in M&A, venture capital, and private equity I know quite a few things about buying companies and about equity. Also in the Applied Corporate Finance course I took at business school, we looked at optimum capital structure, but didn't really delve too deeply into total debt capacity. This turns out to be a relevant topic and, importantly, one I wasn't very familiar with. It goes without saying (well, if that were true, I guess I wouldn't be saying it) that the difference between a Revolver, A, B, and C Term Loans was right beyond me. Although curiously I did have some inkling as to the difference between Mezzanine Debt and the Second Lien Loan.

The other attendees of the course are, for a large part, bankers who are involved in offering Debt Financing to their clients. But there are also a couple of corporate treasury guys/girl, a tax lawyer and a couple of consultants. As far as I can tell, no-one is doing it "just for the fun of it," however surprising this may be to the average reader.

Springtime

Springtime came a bit late to Holland this year, or rather, it came right on time, which seems later that usual. Almost completely coinciding with the equinox and the change of the clocks, it warmed up from right around 0 degrees Celsius to around 10 degrees, which is very much nicer. It also went from sunny/clear to rainy/gray, but today it was sunny again and combined with aforementioned higher temperatures it really felt like spring. So I'm feeling pretty happy about that.

Whatever have you

My mother has a PhD in English. My sister was an English major. My dad is a virtual linguist. I myself am a compulsive copy-editor. I know that the idiom is "what have you."

I worked on an international consulting project one time with a really smart German guy who was partner at the Prestigious International Consulting Firm in question. He is married to an Englishwoman, lives in England and speaks generally flawless English. Only he persists in making lists that end with the phrase, "or whatever have you." I never dared to correct him... and actually, I found it quite endearing.

Don't you?

All Sensitive

Aveda makes a line of facial care products (cleanser/toner/lotion) by this name. I know this because I recently went for a facial with a friend, and she has sensitive skin. She gets all kinds of itchy spots and irritation and whatever have you if she isn't careful. Normally she has to use this special product line from Germany -- although this replaced her previous use of La Prairie which, in case you don't recognize it from the outrageously priced inflight duty-free catalogues, is outrageously priced. She gave the Aveda products a try and was hoping they might be acceptable, because the only place she can find in Amsterdam where they are selling the German products gives her the creeps.

Anyway the reason I am saying this is because I am All Sensitive too. Usually I try to act Tough and this fools most people (I think). But I actually get quite easily offended or hurt or put off or whatever have you. Sometimes I even realize my reaction is out of proportion to the alleged offense, or that the offense isn't really all that offensive (to a rational person) (perhaps I should launch EmotionAlley soon after all).

In case you're wondering, my skin is only somewhat sensitive. It has a tendency to break out with one to three major zits about every 21-23 days or so. I won't bore (or shock) you with more details on that, however.

Surrender

I accept that my heart has been broken by people I cared about and trusted

I accept that this can happen again

I accept that I have been disappointed

I accept that life doesn't always turn out like I plan or hope or want

I accept that I can fail to live up to my potential

I accept that I may be misunderstood, underestimated, undervalued

I accept that suffering, rejection, and humiliation may be in my future as well as in my past, may in fact be necessary steps on the path to Glory (His not mine)

...at least, this morning, for a little while, I was willing to accept these things

A funny video

Click here

Come on, guys, it is really very funny. OK, I'll give you a little hint. It is making fun of Germans. Now isn't that enough to make you click?!

Healthy snacks (relatively)

In the afternoon when I get hungry for something sweet, I often debate with myself as to whether Peanut M&Ms (which contain nuts, and hence protein, and yet are candy-coated, and thus candy) or hot chocolate (which contains milk, and hence maybe some protein, and is probably lower-fat) is a healthier snack.

I did a little research on the web and found the following results:



So peanut M&Ms have more fat, a similar amount of protein, less sugar -- surprisingly enough, less salt! -- and are generally, yes, a more balanced snack than hot chocolate. I didn't include here the analysis that says hot chocolate is more satisfying... perhaps because I don't agree! Do you?

True men don't...

Recently captured in New York's Central Park: Isn't he cute?

My reaction to this cuddly predator reminds me of a movie I saw recently, Monsters Inc., in which a pink-clad little girl refers endearingly to a big scary blue horned monster as, "Kitty."

I recommend this movie. (Mr. Cat does not)

When friends expire but their parents don't

I recently read an insightful commentary on how friendships expire. A couple of my friendships have expired recently, or rather

• one had expired quite some time ago, but I had been in serious denial about this for oh, 10-15 years or so and
• one expired in a way akin to the dream deferred methodology so poignantly described by Langston Hughes

Anyway today I got an e-mail from the father of one of these dormant friends (you see, I still haven't fully accepted the principle). I admit to having written him an e-mail first. You see, he has the same profession as my father. And I wrote them both an e-mail attaching a job description for a position at my church, for which both might potentially be expected to know potentially relevant candidates.

Anyway this kind gentleman responded to my e-mail with much enthusiasm and asking, how was I? So I wrote him how I was (very well thank you and a few relevant details), and how was he and how was his lovely wife? To which he responded in appropriate detail and closed the missive with the following:

We'll be with (dormant-friend) over Easter. Why don't you and (Mr. Cat) come to (city of dormant-friend's residence) and join us?

Which of course I / we have no intention of doing. But it leaves me with a funny feeling that friend-dad has such more enthusiastic warm feelings towards me than dormant-friend herself, and doesn't have any clue as to what has transpired between me and her, and of course I'm not the one to tell him (nor do I in fact have to as this can clearly be seen as a sincere but not too serious "why don't you come round for dinner sometime" type of invitation and it's not as if he'll be offended that we don't show up) -- but still and all. Whilst dormant-friend was considered one of my best friends, her parents were like semi-adoptive parents to me. I am still very fond of them, at a distance, and they clearly of me (although admittedly we are both the types to perhaps exaggerate the closeness of friendships, not hypocritically, maybe just a bit naively, or to feel more warmly feely towards people than the actual level of intimacy would properly justify).

But it's like these people are basically out of my life, as a result of events that actually had nothing to do with our relationship to each other but as a result of purely exogenous forces. I guess this is like losing in-laws after a divorce -- there's no real reason I'll ever see these dear people again. Unless, of course, a dormant friendship goes active again. But I've let go of that.

On a technical note, I am struggling with my use of methodology above to describe the expiration. I think there must be a more appropriate, medical term for the process I am trying to evoke. My grasp of and eloquence in the English Language has declined considerably as my fluency in Dutch has increase.

Blogstalkers beware

I have received from my husband the following compliment on my blog. Accompanied by the following warning.

this is cool!

just don't make it traceable to you so if some freak somewhere in the
world finds this and for whatever reason wants to track you down he or
she can't figure out who you actually are...

In conclusion, don't try to track me down. Because if you do, Mr. Cat will designate you as a freak. And we don't want that now, do we.

Semantics

I have written an e-mail to my Dutch-speaking colleagues in which I indicate the correct usage of the word "albeit" -- which several of them structurally misuse on a regular basis. I think I will send this e-mail but I am not yet sure about this.

Contact avoidance

I think blogging is an even more extreme form of self-abasing contact avoidance than e-mail.

My theory goes like this. E-mail is a good way to contact someone when you don't want to call them. (Of course it is also good for contacting people living in other time zones, such that they're sleeping at the time you want to call them, or other continents, such that it costs a lot to call them (although even so you could Skype them which is free), but what I am talking about here is people living in your very same city but still you don't call.) This can be driven by, for example, the feeling that "I don't want to bother him/her," "it may not be a good time to call," "I don't want to interrupt or impose," etc.

But sending an e-mail does have the impact of a message showing up in the person's inbox. So you are still imposing yourself on the recipient's consciousness. He/she will still see a new message with your name on it when logging in. Whereas with a blog, you wait for them to come to you. You are assured that your message will never, never interrupt or create guilt or forcibly call attention to itself. You are assured that your audience is always in attendance by an act of its own free will, that it's come to listen to (or read) your ranting and raving because it chose to, that it doesn't feel obligated or imposed upon or in any way compelled (at least, not by you). You broadcast, but the receiver is completely at liberty to tune in, or to not, as he/she feels inclined.

In conclusion, behavior driven by excessive modesty / self-deprecation is actually a manifestation of narcissism. But you knew that.

Shopping list analysis

I made the following analysis of the correspondence between my shopping list and the items I actually purchased whilst at the grocery store. As you can see, by a broad interpretation of the list, I adhered to it almost completely. By a tighter interpretation I bought two items not on the list.

Impending doom

Things are a bit quiet at work.

I have two projects which are near the end of their life cycles, with a relatively low and predictable associated workload. I have two projects which are in the start-up phase, each of which will demand the requisite amount of analysis and such, but in both cases there's close to a month before the first project deadline -- leaving more than ample time, in principle, to complete the required analysis. In both cases I am also officially still waiting for data, though of course I could get started with the data I have already.

I have on one side of my body (I think the right side of my brain) a relatively calm feeling, like "I could just go home, or go get my hair cut, or go for a run, or call in sick tomorrow" -- with no consequences! This part of me feels guilty for hanging out at work when I don't have that much to do.

The other half of me (I am postulating it is the left side of my brain because it seems to be the right-hand side of my field of vision that is constantly drawn to doing other things than whatever task I set myself to) feels a sense of impending doom. Clearly I am forgetting something, or some unexpected project will come along and not only a) stress me out and fill all my time but also b) make me really regret I didn't take advantage of this lull to pre-pre-pre-prepare for the things I knew I was going to have to do eventually anyway.

I really do need a haircut, though.

Sisters and Friends and Geography

I have a sister who is living in a mid-Western city in the US. I myself am living in Amsterdam. Which is located in the Netherlands, also known as Holland, no it is not in Denmark and Danish is not spoken here (at least, not by most locals) and in case all this is too confusing: the continent we are talking about here is Europe (a.k.a. Yurp).

Certain readers will be delighted with the reminder that the Classically European (in the mind of many an American) Countries of France, Germany, Switzerland, Italy and Spain (to name a few) are also joined by the Scandinavian Countries as well as, for example, Poland and bits of Russia in belonging to the European Designation. So please generalize carefully.

My sister has a friend whose sister is living in Paris. I myself have also lived in the vicinity of Paris in a very small town called Samois-sur-Seine . This is a very quaint village with not much going on except the market on I forget which mornings and the Festival de Jazz Django Reinhardt which is really quite nice and involves listening to some jazz whilst sitting on the ground on the river bank with some rosé and watching some small children belonging to some friends run around on the grass, as I remember. But anyway it's probably not worth a visit unless you are going to Fontainebleau for some other reason and even then, well, let's just say there are other, potentially more exciting places in the region. Like Barbizon, where Van Gogh even hung out for a bit.

I have also a friend living in Paris or rather, come to think of it, several friends, although not all of them being friends of the sort with whom I have Regular Contact. In addition, I know some people that are living in, among other places, small- to medium-sized cities in various parts of the U.S., California, New York and also, I almost forgot, Amsterdam, which is where I happen to live.

Anyway Europe is a Very Nice Place to live being populated by various forms of Europeans, built up in numerous historical urban conglomerations burgeoning with modern skyscrapers as well as small quaint historic towns, and myriad other forms of Development, rugged sea coasts, the Alps, see the loveli lakes (a Moose once bit my Sister), also featuring an admirable commitment to the arts, fine wines and cheeses, strong coffee served in very small cups and numerous other benefits too numerous to list here.

It is also a very Nice Place to Visit and so, dear reader, if you fall into the category of either Sister or Friend, please consider yourself most heartily Invited to Visit.

Irrationality

It being observed that

1. I have a desire to go to the Gym and
2. I have a Free Weeklong Membership to a Gym and
3. I have attended such Gym one time during said Week and found it to be quite acceptable in terms of Hygiene, Availability of Equipment and Attractiveness of Exercising Public (being defined as neither too off-puttingly scruffy and out-of-shape nor too intimidatingly beautiful and in-shape) and
4. I fully acknowledge all the Health Benefits (both physical and pscycho-emotional) of Exercise and
5. My Schedule is sufficiently flexible within a given 24-hour period to spend at least one hour engaging in Exercise at this Gym,

why have I failed so miserably to get my butt over there and do it?

She appeareth

Old news, I know, but I love this story. Basically this lady makes a toasted cheese sandwich. After taking a bite, she sees that the Virgin Mary has appeared to her on the sandwich. Naturally she doesn't eat the rest, and miraculously, the toast doesn't rot or mold for 10 years. At which point it occurs to her, hey, maybe I can sell this thing. So she does, on eBay, and next thing you know it's Big International News.

I can't seem to get the picture upload to work, but here's the link:
$28,000 Toast

What can I say? Food plays a very important role in our lives, bordering on the spiritual. You may laugh, but at the very least it's an oft-used metaphor -- and think about the expression "keeping body and soul together" -- if it weren't for food our pour little soul would be separated from our body and have to float around all, you know, disembodied and stuff... Ahem. Just trying to get back to the High Brow and Academic tone to which I allegedly aspired back when I started this blog. You know, several days ago.

Hell hath no fury...

So I got a letter in the mail (actually address to Mr./Mrs. my husband, but I am Mrs. my husband or no?) in which we were invited to a free weeklong membership at the nearby posh gym. I have been considering joining it, and went one time for a tour, but no, it was not possible to try it out sometime unless a friend would invite me to do so.

So I put on my gym stuff and went over to give it a try. But the problem was that
1. I did not have a towel along and
2. I did not have a Euro along and
3. I was wearing my gym stuff.

Actually the real rule is that you can't wear the same shoes inside and out. Because then they would have to (gasp!) clean the floor from time to time. The rationale for the towel I can understand, and even the Euro (coin-operated lockers). But this guy really gave me the impression like, ah, miss, we can't really have people showing up here at the gym in their (cough!) gym clothes. He actually used the phrase (and I translate from the Dutch):

It's not for nothing that we have the locker rooms.

So I got my free weeklong membership but could I please come back another time bringing along the three (3) items listed above. Not forgetting the clean shoes. I didn't tell him that I would be bringing the exact same shoes next time.

A modest proposal

When I was cleaning out my spam folder on my gmail account, I was presented with a link to a related web site.

Savory Spam Crescents

This is taking context-sensitive, anonymous marketing just one step too far, don't you think? Although it did make me smile.

Rationality

This blog's title refers to the hypothesis that it is humankind's potential for reasoning that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom.

This rationality has such benefits as

• the ability to delay gratification
• the ability to engage one another in complex, metaphysical debates
• the ability to become suicidal based on the confusion generated by complex, metaphyscial reflections (see also my upcoming blog, EmotionAlley)

My other hypothesis is that it's our penchant for public self-disclosure to complete strangers (verbal exhibitionism). Hence I decided to start up my own blog in order to explore the question of whether I too have such exhibitionist tendencies. Apparently I do.